Feel the fear and face it!

Why would anyone want to lay their innermost thoughts bare, hung out in the public domain for "all" to see? The thought fills me with dread still. Much like the time I signed up for a spider identification workshop when I was unequivocally arachnophobic- a moment of madness bordering on genius I've since decided. That day it was only after the meet and greet when they bundled us into the "classroom" that the cold sweat and racing pulse shot my mind into clear focus that this was a living nightmare I'd somehow sleepwalked my way into.

This is how I currently feel about blogging. It terrifies me. And like that half day of breathing through a brewing panic attack in that spider ID workshop, I am inexplicably compelled by my curiosity to push through. You know that moment when the horror movie you've been coerced into watching by your significant other peaks at that blood curling scene and your hands shade your eyes but your dilated pupils drink in the gruesomeness of it all through the cracks in your fingers? That's this moment now.

Why do it then? Because I'm feeling the fear and facing it. Because after listening keenly to everyone else's story, I've decided it's time I hear [write] mine. If anyone needs to hear my story,  it's me. In the midst of everyone else's noise I need to hear and give ear to my still inner voice. Maybe you need to as well. If you do, take a moment and notice how you feel. Would you put that feeling out there?

~Christel Toppin-Lovell